To Ghost or Not to Ghost, That Is the Question

The confession of a serial ghoster who truly condemns it.

**Please know that everything I say here is an epiphany that comes as a result of writing my heart out. Also, I can't believe I'm outing myself like this, but hey, you love me for all of me or you don't!**

Alright, let's dive in: I'm a firm believer in never leaving someone high and dry. I can already hear you thinking, "Hold on, isn't this a bit hypocritical?" And you know what? You're right, I'm calling myself out here! As someone who can't stomach rejection, I absolutely detest being on the receiving end of it. But rewind to my naïve nineteen-year-old self, fresh to the dating scene, and I was all about politely cutting ties until I started looking like "that weird girl who thinks everyone's obsessed with her." Yet, now I realize it's easier to let people think you're rude than to explain your silly, insecure reasons. (FYI: I'm speaking solely for myself, because let's face it, there are still a bunch of jerks out there ghosting without batting an eye.)

Now, why do I consider myself a serial ghoster, you ask? Well, buckle up as I let you in on all my deep-rooted insecurities that I know are…well…mad stupid:

a) I've got a radar malfunction when it comes to distinguishing kindness from flirtation.

Take this one guy I met while queuing up outside our local college bar. For the life of me, I couldn't decipher if he was just being gentlemanly (a rare breed, mind you) or if he was subtly hitting on me (which, let's be real, should happen more often!). After finally getting inside, we hung out for a bit until he drifted off to join his friends at the bar. It was then that my best friend dropped the bomb: while I was busy thinking we were becoming fast friends, he had different intentions, none of which I reciprocated!

The more we talked, the more I found myself liking him. But by the time I caught onto his vibe, he'd already dropped the flirting because he assumed I seemed uninterested. We parted ways with a casual Instagram follow and an "I'll see you soon" which never happened!

b) Making a move? More like stumbling over my own feet.

Let me rewind to the aftermath of my encounter with Bar Guy. I spent the entire next day replaying our conversation in my head, realizing I had a new crush. He showed genuine interest in my passions and background, ticking off all the right boxes on my "checklist.” Bonus points for declaring his disdain for dating apps and hookup culture – talk about a breath of fresh air! So, what did I do? I spent hours drafting a text to slide into his DMs, contemplating every word until I eventually talked myself out of it. I still have the draft sitting in my notes:

"Hey, this is Rhea from last night. I kinda felt we had a vibe going on that my dumb ass didn't quite catch soon enough. So, I guess this is me trying to ask you out!?"

Simple, right? Yet, I couldn't gather the courage to hit send.

c) Let's talk about the dating app debacle.

Matching with someone cute only to be bombarded with off-putting texts is practically a rite of passage. And don't even get me started on the "decent ones" who somehow manage to disappoint as well! The conversations swing between dry and intense, leaving me wondering how to keep the banter up when our vibes are out of sync. Cutting ties with the dull ones is straightforward enough, but what about the ones who move on a faster pace than what I prefer? Do you politely bid farewell or just ghost them into oblivion? At this point, I'm leaning toward radio silence. After all, isn't there an unspoken rule on dating apps: Thou shall not get clingy too soon, no?

d) I'm the queen of awkwardness, complete with a dash of social anxiety.

Despite spending my college years on the lookout for "the one", I refused to settle for a swipe right from a dating app. No, I craved the act of an organic meet-cute. So, I found myself scanning bars and parties, terrified of rejection. And when someone did show interest, I'd make a beeline for the nearest bathroom, praying for a swift exit. Why? I wish I knew. Maybe I'm scared of putting myself out there, or perhaps self-sabotage comes to me naturally. Your guess is as good as mine!

e) Commitment-phobe reporting for duty!

Despite yearning for a wholesome relationship, the thought of maintaining one sends me into a spiral. Not because I'm keeping my options open, but because relationships feel more like work than fun and right now (and you bet even for the foreseeable future too.) I feel like I could use some fun. Call me crazy, but as I've gotten older, dating has transitioned from exciting to exhausting. Who knew love could be so draining?

Maybe I'm avoiding the hard work and compromise that comes with finding and keeping a good partner. Case in point: the time I was fixated on a toxic crush while ignoring the genuinely nice guy trying to chat me up. Turns out, the nice guy was none other than Bar Guy – talk about a missed opportunity!

f) Which is probably why I'm perpetually drawn to the wrong people.

So, if you've stuck with me through this rollercoaster of a confession, I salute you! Thanks for lending an ear to a never-ending rant about my pathetic love life – you're a saint!

Much Love,

Rhea